In The Most Way

I am thankful, In the most way. I simply say this because I come from a place where intelligence is compromised for popularity and stupidity to fit in with the "in" crowd... who knows NOTHING AT ALL!!! and I have persevered to ultimate happiness in my life. But I'm going to calm myself down now about that. LOL

Today is Thanksgiving and I feel kinda bad only because I'm not with my family during this time. I have had a lot slip away from me in 2011 and that really makes me spiritually weary. Sometimes I can handle it alone, but times like these I just want to be around people to fill the void of the things/people that physically cant because they're no longer here.
But to stray away from the sadness I feel, I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!! Like, I really do and I love them because I can really be myself around them and we listen to each other and uhm.... because they're all guys LOL I just can't deal with females 24/7 but that's a whole other story.

But, all in all, I am happy ,In the most way simply because I am laughing, living, and loving for dear life. and I have people to share my life with~ Eternally Thankful

*Lovely Thoughts*

Guilt

The uh... guilt of loving unjustly, justly loving another just because he's tall dark and handsomely handy with your eagerly giving heart. Another reason to fault yourself for the feelings you have for him when you know she's on his mind.. you hate that don't you?
The easy remedy is to let it all go, but you know your stubborn heart won't let you turn away from what it wants. It's like in order to get some type of peace, you've got to emotionally and spiritually commit suicide; thinking you will be able to deal with the pain for a while and it'll just go away.
I'm going to tell you it just doesn't work that way.
A wise man once told me that there is no greater sin that to turn away from your heart... so will I be put in an emotional hell for doing this? I'm not really sure, but I feel like I'm already there.

I guess you can say I'm already where I want to be... but something still draws me to your light. I'm a freaking moth to the flame... and I guess I'd rather die in it than live without it.

*Lovely Thoughts*

Hmmmmm....

I don't know why, but I woke up feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe, subconsciously, I do know what I'm doing and how it will affect me in the long run; but sometimes I just need to feel the wrong, just to know if it feels right enough to risk everything for, you know?

I'm not what you would call a girl who is "boy-crazy"... So I don't spend every second of every day strolling around looking for love in every guy I meet. But when I meet an intellectual, intelligent, beautiful person such as this, I start to get lost in them for a second. And this person has had me lost in him, looking for myself for as long as I have known him. I can truly say I'm enjoying this adventure.

So, would I be wrong to lash everything I feel, everything I am at this person simply because I feel he completes and heals everything about me? Or do I continue what I have been doing all my life and love in silence... I'm comfortable with the latter but that doesn't get me him... I believe I will have to do something drastic before I do something crazy.

*Lovely Thoughts*

Lovely Thoughts

Your eyes are my retreat
Your smile is my bliss
Your words are the life support my heart needs
Your presence can easily kill my darkest moments
I really don't know what you may think yourself to presume to be, but you, kind sir, are my peace of mind. Found only in a place where GOD dwells as well. No song I can ever sing nor gesture I can ever make can shake loose this love I have.
I guess you can say I'm slowly making my way over the moon and past the stars for you, not realizing that it's getting harder and harder to breathe. All the while I'm enjoying this paralyzing feeling.
Maybe if I could just stop thinking about you... the cloudiness in my heart and the fullness of my mind would start to make more sense.
But as of this very moment, my first name is Love, and my last name is yours. Whoever I was last week, last month, and all of yesterday exists no more. I believe my love for you is just too strong to settle for being myself.
*Lovely Thoughts*

The Keys

Black and white truly holds me together
Not the people, the keys,
They open the expressways to my inner love
And convey the heartfelt words I speak.
When my life get out of tune...
It's strong bellowing overpowers my soul
When I'm hurt and beaten down my circumstance,
And when love devours and swallows me whole
I just have to put my heart in my hands.